Fact: Traveling outside Los Banos, even if just 20 km, is further than most Filipinos will travel outside of the city in their entire lifetime. A sad fact indeed, but becoming more understandable as I engage with the Filipino culture and people.
From what I have gathered, Spanish Rule from centuries back, is still deeply engrained in the lives of Filipinos. As an American, I have come to realize that there are certain cultural liberties and freedoms that I have taken for granted, for most of my life. Personal independence is one such.
In the Philippines, family ties stronger than a noose are most common. It would odd and possibly wrong to not leave the family home before the age of 25, even if married, male or female. Some Filipinos live with nuclear family members for their entire lives, if not within several kilometers proximity.
Rather than being expected to get a job and get on with your adult life at or around the ages of 18-21 in the States, Filipinos are expected to stay with the family beyond secondary schooling, college, marriage, and the like for as long as there is no good reason not too. In fact, in most families here, it is looked upon as rude or disrespectful to not stay in the home grew up in and to visit on a weekly basis, even when far away at school. Subsequently, elder rule is a way of life.
My Filipino friends are sometimes astonished when I tell them of my experience with independence. I do my best not to flaunt or seem as though my experience is better, but they all seem to be very receptive to the idea of personal freedoms in adulthood. They cannot believe their ears when I tell them that I live on my own and like it, unmarried. They are sometimes astonished to hear that I have family living over many miles away, and that I see my father and brother twice a year, at best. And moreover, that it's not a driving concern of mine.
The fact that I have a job and go to school full time is probably one of the most puzzling things to Filipinos. They find it hard to comprehend making time for both. This is understandable to me having experienced the college curriculum for only half of a semester thus far, and will be explained in another blog, entirely. A rant that I'm saving for...
For now, I think the importance of this entry relates to those freedoms and liberties that I have taken for granted for so long. I have taken for granted developing my own values and sets of rules to live by, and my ability to deviate or make exceptions in given situations. I love my parents and family, but it has been long since I have 'lived under someone's roof', and not my own. Similarly, I have always been encouraged to go out and to do whatever I dream and to make the most out of life as I see fit. That is not the case for most Filipinos, and I can't help but think to myself how fortunate I am to be independent as I am.
I haven't had a curfew for over 10 years, and I haven't had to check in, or really ask for any type of parental permission for about the same time. I have Filipino friends of my same age, that still find themselves under someone's roof. I can't imagine. I appreciate the perspective I have gained, and without being too culturally insensitive, I will wrap up saying, 'Thank you Mom and Dad for encouraging my hopes, and dreams, and endeavors, and for letting me tinker with life, even if it bit me in the ass sometimes.'
MJ
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